So I fell the other day. Took a face plant right into a metal post on my way down. Somehow I managed to bang up my arms in the process. Thankfully I’m OK. Bruises will heal, but the emotional pain will linger.
I’ve fallen quite a few times since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and I assume this recent spill won’t be my last either. I’ve fallen when no one was around to see. I’ve fallen in front of large crowds. I’ve taken face dives to the ground and received fat lips in return. There have also been times when I fell and nothing bad happened at all.
Every time I fall I feel inadequate. More than physical pain, I feel emotional anguish. I feel dumb, weak, and foolish. I’m ashamed of my inability to navigate through spaces with ease. Every step I take requires significant thought and calculation. And I hate it.
After all the falls it just never gets easier. Should it? Probably not. I wish I had words to comfort myself. I wish I could comfort other people like me. But sometimes MS just plain sucks. And that’s all there is to it.